Nana’s a tricky lil’ old lady. She’s cute, but don’t let her fool you…she’s always got something up her sleeve. Sometimes she’s trying to sneak you a $5 bill, other times she’s bringing desert and then, like the other night she’s cheating at boardgames. I’m tellin’ ya, you always have to watch her. You never know what she’s gonna do. Sunday night, a fierce game of Scrabble is taking place at my house, it’s Nana’s turn and she goes to place her 3 tiles down to spell…”D-L-O-M.” Um…waitta minute there, Nana. “DLOM” is not a word. She says, “It’s ‘MOLD’ I’m spellin’ it backwards.” Oh, no no no no, Nana. That’s not allowed. She had a few choice words that were spelled forward and can’t be repeated and then spelled, “HI.” It’s ok, she tried.

Normally when you’re walking down the street you don’t have to worry. Ok, let me rephrase that…you shouldn’t have to worry, that’s of course if you’re me and anyone associated with me. I’ve made the walk more than once, it’s not a difficult one; head down Madison Ave towards downtown, cross the street and get to Juniors. But, Friday was not the norm…a couple laughs, a bit of conversation and then out of nowhere whoosh!!! We could’ve been attacked. We could’ve been killed. At the least, we could’ve been bumped into and maybe ended up with a slight bruise…a 90lb female jogger “whooshed” on by. Listen, you may go, “that’s it? a jogger?” She came outta NOWHERE. There’s was no warning. No shuffling sound, not until it was too late and whoosh!!! Ok, so looking back at the situation…we’re dumb for the fright…but what if it was a 190lb mugger? Then you’d be thinking I was the bravest radio dj ever. Then I’d get awards for saving the day…maybe. You don’t know.

Satisfaction is never guaranteed. It’s something that can be assumed and hoped for in any situation, but as with most, it never seems to come full circle. You hope for the best, but the best ends up being  a dead fish on a cactus, which you may think makes no sense, but does it? You try and try and try your best again and again, knowing that usually those are supposed to succeed inthe end, some do, but only some…and like I said, nothing is ever guaranteed. So, with this, my friends, I’ll let you ponder…Do you make the best out of every situation? Do you live life to the fullest? Are you the best person you can possibly be? If you thought yes, but hesitated to any of those questions…I think you know what you need to do.

When life’s got you down, make lemonade. Wait. If your glass is empty, pour into it the spirit of…no, that’s not it. When God gives you lemons, you’ll become sour? No, that can’t be it. Ughhh….sigh. There are many sayings out there, but a saying can’t make a frown turn upside down. What if I don’t wanna smile? What if I can’t? Could you imagine?! You lose the ability all together, to control your expressions. Some people get down about work…if I did that, it’d be kinda silly. I mean, getting mad at buttons? Getting upset with the phone? I don’t think so. Maybe you get road rage. “Get outta my way dill-whole!!!” It could easily be the people in your life that add to frustrations. You’re not good enough? I beg to differ…you’re perfecT! With a capital ‘t.’ You’re too giving? It happens, but just thinking the more you give the more you get…who cares if it’s more frustration? Yeah, I know that’s not a good compromise. At the end of the day, we all are bound to have something that, as Peter Griffin says, “Grind your gears,” it’s all in how you handle it. Drink your half full glass of um, vodka? maybe? who doesn’t like a little vodka?! And squeeze those lemons…when life’s got you down, suck the sour and jump the hurdle. It’ll all be fine. And if it isn’t…then you need a new job, new friends and maybe a new car.

When your boss calls you into a meeting. When you get a call from your doctor. When you get your report card. There’s always that wonder, the unknown. Sure, there may only be a few minutes of unknown, but it sucks. It sucks big time. In my life I try to avoid the unknown, at least until it’s blocking my view and right in front of me. However, right now I’m just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. The unknowing of what’s around the corner, what has been been chosen for me…when the closing date for my house will be etched in stone…it makes every day a little uneasy. Not knowing when I need to pack up and get the f-out. Not knowing exactly how much money I’ll continue to have to my name. Not knowing how much more my head will be spinning come closing day. What I do know is, it’ll happen eventually. But, when you’re as hands on as I tend to be, I like to be in control, right now I have no control. Everything I had control over, has happened…now it’s just time to sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and HURRY THE HELL UP!

Ok, I feel  a little better now.

There are things on TV that are “reality,” that you just don’t want to believe exist in the world. Whether it’s some ridiculously horrible criminal from the First 48, or the fact that people as dumb as Hugh Hefners ex’s are actually out there living among us, it’s just hard to believe. I was watching Hoarding: Buried Alive, last night and it’s almost unbelievable to me that there are people that have piles and piles of crap in their houses. I look around my house, which right now has box after box and it still looks neat and put away. When I’m bored, I look around and I wonder what I can put on eBay…when they get bored, they go out and buy more stuff and then throw it on top of the pile. I almost started twitching just watching the show and it definitely gave me a headache. It’s people like that, that make me wish I had my own organizing business. But, really at this point, I’d probably go in and clean for free.

Call and wait. Chat and wait. It’s always hurry up and wait, wait, wait. If you have a problem with something, common sense says to call the 1-800 number on the back of the product or for the company, restaurant, store, whatever it might be and then you can’t get anyone on the phone. “Your call is very important to us…” Yes, sure it is. That’s why I’m sitting here…waiting. Some companies will allow you to email them with a question for an easy answer…but, it’s never the company that I have an issue with. Instead, you have the opportunity to call during unhelpful business hours or get into the chat where you can be person #78 in line with a 45 minute wait. That wait time by the way, only goes up…it never goes down. It might LOOK like it goes down, when in reality it goes to 25 minutes, sits at it for 10 minutes only to go back up to 28 minutes, hold, hold, hold…23 minutes…26 minutes, 20 minutes, 19 minutes, 24 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Annnnnnnnnnnd, now I need a new computer….just kidding.

“Tweet, tweet,” said the bird. In reality, in his little bird language he may have really been saying “I tawt I taw a putty tat.” Alas, we’ll never know. We’ll probably also never know who came up with the word “Tweet.” I mean, think about it…tweet?! Where does that come from!? Who was sitting around, that bored one day that they looked at a bird and were like “Barthalemiu, I believe that bird is saying what we now call tweeteth.” Of course, we drop the “eth” because it’s 2010 and we like to change things. It’s the evolution of words, just like no one is gonna name their child Barthalemiu anymore and if they do, they’re a horrible, horrible person. I’ve often wondered where other words come from too, like napkin or stairs or pumpkin, even nickel; they’re all weird words if you think about it. And how about the one day that we just sort of ran out of words and started giving them different spellings and meanings like stair is an object that you walk on, but to stare is to creep someone right the f-out. Boggles my mind…which can be complete confusion or a crazy game of the words that we’re talking about right now. I wish I could play Boggle.

Justin Bieber’s mom is all about trying to make him understand the value of a dollar. When he was growing up, ya know, when he was younger he group up in a single mom household; something tells me he knows what it’s like to live on the poorer side of things. So, now I’m sitting here wondering why she thinks that it’s cool to give the kid $50 a day, as an allowance. A. DAY. I barely make that a day. He’s out there spending it. That’s $350 a week…to someone else that’s rent. It’s food for a couple months. It’s a car payment. To him, it’s his weekly spending. Sure, you can say he deserves it for singing to the tween population of America (and me) but, he’s 16! At 16, I was mowing lawns, selling crap on eBay and wondering who would be on the cover of the next BOP magazine. Then again, at 16 YouTube didn’t exist…no wonder Usher never found me.

Sometimes you look around your room, your apartment, your house and think that you just have a ridiculous amount of crap. I do that every so often and then things end up on eBay. I’m not ashamed, nor am I rich from it but it helps out with the gas money. However, here I am in the final stages of buying a house, I’m starting to pack up my townhouse and with a matter of 6 boxes, I’m almost done. I feel slightly awesome, yet pathetic at the same time. I mean here I am, buying a house…yes, I’m officially an adult. Yet…um, I own the amount of things in your 12 year olds room if you added some pots and pans. I guess it’ll make the move a little easier than I originally thought.